


Waffles

by SydAce



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Cape Porcupine, Crowley is such a nerd, Fluff, Gen, Reader-Insert, Rodent, Zoo, porcupine - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 23:37:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SydAce/pseuds/SydAce
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale decide to go to the zoo where Crowley becomes interested in a zookeeper and a porcupine.





	1. Chapter 1

Both him and Aziraphale had decided to take a break from the park. The ducks were all getting a bit too fat from the copious amounts of food they would feed them – namely, Aziraphale would feed them. It was impacting their ability to fly. So, out of mercy, as Aziraphale called it, they went to the local zoo. Sure, they couldn’t really feed the animals there, but it was a nice change.

“Right, what should we see next?” Aziraphale asked while looking at the map in his hands. “There is the penguin beach or we could head over to the reptile house. I’m assuming you are partial to the reptile house with you being a snake and everything.” There was a long pause. “Crowley? Are you even listening to me?”

“Hmm? Yeah, sure,” Crowley muttered in a way similar to a student that was just called on by a teacher, but who only moments ago was sleeping.

Aziraphale looked up from the map and followed Crowley’s line of vision. There was a crowd gathering in a loose circle. In the center stood a peculiar animal with black and white quills and a similarly matching mohawk on its head. Next to the animal, was you.

“This here is Waffles. Waffles is a Cape Porcupine that is native to south and central Africa,” you spoke into the microphone headset while feeding bits of lettuce and carrots to Waffles. “Cape Porcupines are the largest species of porcupines on Earth. Which makes these guys one of the largest rodents, too.”

As if he were under a spell, Crowley started to slither over towards where you were giving a zoo talk. Aziraphale followed his friend with raised eyebrows.

“Now, you might be thinking that Waffles could be a dangerous animal because of the quills on her back. If she were to turn around and run backward at you, then you could get hurt. That’s how she defends herself from predators, like lions. But Waffles not concerned about predators. What she’s really concerned about is food. Waffles is highly food motivated, which means she’ll do just about anything for a tasty snack!”

Crowley elbowed Aziraphale. “You’re Waffles.” Aziraphale rolled his eyes and adjusted his vest.

The pair continued watching Waffles walk around while eating different foods you tossed down to her while continuing giving a talk on her species and wildlife conservation. At the end of your talk, you paused and looked around at the audience.

“Are there any questions?”

Crowley raised a hand and asked, “Yeah, why does she only have one eye?”

You blinked and looked down at your animal companion, almost as if you forgot she was going on monocular vision. You laughed lightly at yourself.

“Shortly after she was born, her eye got infected and had to be surgically removed. She’s doing fine now, though. I think it just makes her look all the more punk.” You had to stop yourself from saying you were wanting to dye the white part of her fur and quills hot pink for Halloween and how you drew fan-art of the porcupine in a rock band.

You continued to answer questions until it was time for the talk to end. You thanked everyone for coming and started to get Waffles ready to continue her walk throughout the zoo for her to get some exercise, experience new smells, and educate the guests on what an awesome animal she is.

Aziraphale was getting ready to move on to the next exhibit but paused as he saw Crowley awkwardly shuffling from one foot to another as he watched you with the animal. You softly cooed at her while laughing at her laying down with a piece of food between her paws.

“Er, excuse me,” Crowley said quietly as if he were afraid of spooking either you or Waffles.

“Hmm? Oh.” You looked up at the man. “Yes, how may I help you?”

“I…Uh…Thanks for the talk,” Crowley said and scratched the back of his head while inwardly cussing at himself.

“It’s no problem! I love talking to people about her,” you replied with a wide smile. “Oh! How would you like to feed her?”

“Feed her?” Crowley’s eyes widened behind his darkened shades. “I mean, I don’t know.”

“It’ll be fun. She’s really gentle.”

“Ngh, alright,” Crowley mumbled and stepped forward.

“Here, she likes bits of sweet potato the best. Just kneel down and hold your hand out flat, like this,” you said while showing him the proper way of holding the treat. “She’ll take it right out of your hand. She’s a bit fast, but she won’t bite you.”

“Alright.” Crowley knelt down towards Waffles and held the food out towards her.

Waffles looked at him and her quills immediately started brisling together. It was a rattle so loud it almost shook the air around her. You frowned and placed yourself between the porcupine and the man trying to feed her. Crowley winced, realizing that Waffles must realize he’s a snake.

“Weird, she hasn’t done that since I’ve first met her,” you mumbled. You stroked the top of the animal’s head to soothe her. “She was real skittish when she first came here – up in quarantine. But she warmed up to me really fast.” You looked over your shoulder towards Crowley. “I’ll teach you how to do a rodent call, so long as you don’t abuse it, okay?”

Crowley nodded his head slowly. He watched as you raised a flat hand to your mouth. You quickly started making a sort of kissing noise against your hand. Waffles immediately perked up and placed her paws on top of your leg. You grinned while making the noise, but stopped shortly after.

“Now you try!”

Crowley looked over to Aziraphale who was hiding a smile only a bastard could pull off behind his hand. Crowley sighed and started to make a similar noise against his hand. Waffles poked her head out from behind you and slowly made her way over to the snake demon.

“There you go!” You clapped your hands together out of excitement. “It’s a call that works on most rodents: mice, squirrels, porcupines, the likes. It doesn’t always work, but it has a high success rate. It’s how I got her to be more sociable with the people here.”

Crowley nodded while he fed the porcupine. It was the first time an animal had approached him on its own free will that wasn’t a Hell hound. He looked back at you and saw you smiling softly at him. He swallowed a lump that had grown in his throat and felt his heart quicken.

“Wh-where did you learn this?”

You laughed nervously. “I don’t remember. I’ve been doing this since I was about four years old with the squirrels in my backyard. Not the best thing, with disease and such, but it’s helped me build relationships with some of the animals here.”

“Amazing,” Crowley let slip out and he stared at you in awe. Your cheeks reddened and you coughed into your arm to try and get some air back after it was ripped out of your lungs. You directed your attention from the man and towards the porcupine so you could try and still your quaking nerves.

“Uh, this might sound weird and all,” Crowley said with some shaking in his voice. “But could I get your number? I mean, I just, I’d like to learn more.”

Your eyes widened and you looked up at him in shock. “You want to learn more about the animals?” A wide smile grew on your face at the sheer excitement of sharing your knowledge with someone else and not the guests that smile politely before quickly moving away from your overenthusiasm.

“Yeah, if that’s alright. I mean, you don’t have to--.”

“I’d love to!” You quickly dug your phone out of your back pocket (it was there to take pictures of Waffles). “Here, put your number in.” You handed your phone over to the man.

Crowley nearly dropped it, much to Aziraphale’s amusement, but quickly programmed his number in.

“I’ll text you once I get off work, if that’s alright,” you said while taking your phone back. Crowley gave a slightly embarrassed nod before standing up to his full height. “Great! I need to get this little girl going on her walk. But it was nice meeting you!”

“Mmm, same,” Crowley said quietly.

You waved and walked off with the porcupine following you through the crowds of the zoo. You looked down at her with a small smile. “Too bad you’re not a bird, ‘cause you just made a great wingman.”


	2. Chapter 2

When you came home, you were absolutely disgusting. That was part of the job description. Clean up after animals, prepare their food, interact with humans. The humans were the gross part. Well, that and Waffles. She was a pretty gross little porcupine despite how cute she was.

With a sigh, you dropped off your bag on a nearby hook and trudged towards the bathroom. A nice, hot shower was something that you desperately needed to get the shit, piss, and blood off of you. Honestly, you weren’t even sure whose blood it was. It might have been yours. It might have been from the bag of horse meat you opened to feed the lion pride.

Just as you turned the shower handle, your phone started to vibrate furiously. You pulled it out of your pocket and glanced at the screen. It was a picture of Crowley feeding one of the giraffes a piece of lettuce. Quickly, you swiped.

“Yo,” you muttered and leaned against the bathroom wall. “What’s up?”

“Are you busy?”

You frowned at the tone in his voice. He sounded scared, desperate, and a tad drunk. “Just about to wash up. What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer for a second. You were about to ask if he was still there, but then he asked, “Can I come over?”

“Yeah, of course. Are you alright?”

“Ngh,” he went on with incoherent words. “I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay. I’ll unlock the door. Just let yourself in. I might be finishing up with a shower when you get here, but I’ll try to be fast.”

“K.”

The line went dead. You quickly ran out of the bathroom, flipped the lock, and ran back into the bathroom. You jumped in the shower and hissed as the cold water splashed against your skin. Still, you quickly scrubbed all of the scum off of your skin. It was probably the world’s quickest shower. When you turned off the shower, you heard the door to your home open and shut. Quickly, you dried off and put on a pair of pajamas you had laying on your hamper from this morning.

You were drying your hair when you left the bathroom and glanced over and saw Crowley sitting on a barstool and his head against the kitchen counter. With a frown, you shuffled over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Crowley? You alright there?” Crowley groaned in response. “What’s wrong, hun?”

“You know…You know how animals don’t like me?”

“Not at first, but they warm up to you soon enough,” you said and took a seat on the barstool next to him.

“That’s only ‘cause of you.”

You chuckled lightly and mumbled a quiet, “Maybe.”

“Well, there’s a reason why they don’t like me.” He moved his head away from you and took off his sunglasses, something you’ve never seen him do. “I…I just don’t want you to think any less of me, but that’s too much to ask for.”

“Of course it’s not too much to ask for,” you soothed. “What’s going on Crowley?” You ran a hand through his hair that he decided to start growing out.

“You won’t scream?”

“I won’t scream.”

Crowley turned his head to face you. His eyes locked onto yours. There were snake eyes staring right at you. You froze for a moment, becoming entranced by them. Slowly, you reached a hand up towards his cheek and rubbed your thumb along his cheekbone.

"Those are your real eyes?”

“Yes,” he breathed out.

“They’re beautiful.”

Crowley’s eyes darted all across your face, searching for any indication that you were lying. There weren’t any. “They mean I’m a demon.”

You paused. You’ve never really believed in demons before. You thought they were just a part of a cautionary tale to get kids to behave. But here was Crowley, a man that you trust more than any other man you’ve trusted before, saying he was a demon.

"So you’re a demon, then,” you said with a small smile. “That’s alright.”

“You’re not scared?”

"Of you? Never.”

“I can turn into a snake.”

“Even better.”

“That’s supposed to freak you out.”

“I love snakes.”

Crowley was silent for a moment or two. He looked at you with an incredibly soft expression. “I love you.”

You felt your heart hammer wildly in your chest. It was dancing with joy, tapdancing to be exact. “I love you, too,” you said somewhere between a laugh and a cry, you leaned down and kissed his nose.

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun writing this. I worked with a Cape Porcupine named Waffles and was her first friend when she transferred to the zoo. I don’t work there anymore, ‘cause chronic illness. But it was fun being her buddy.


End file.
